We all know that actions speak louder than words. Knowing this is true, what are we telling our partners when we choose to watch television rather than spend one-on-one time with them? What signals are we sending if we consistently choose to snuggle in with our children instead of our partner? Even worse: what does it mean when we focus on checking email, Facebook, or Twitter rather than talking or making love to our partners? Entertainment, work, social media, and especially children can be important, but none is more crucial than quality time with your partner. Keeping your physical relationship alive will strengthen the foundation of your marriage.
Life can get in the way of a steamy relationship: crying children, phone calls, cooking, cleaning—and all after a long day at work. However, if you can learn to set everything aside when the bedroom door closes, you’ll be well on your way to a strong relationship.
Setting boundaries is a great place to start. My husband and I do not allow phones, televisions, or children in our bedroom. Our children can come in by invitation only, and they aren’t permitted to sleep with us or wander in if the door is closed. That’s not to say we aren’t there for them: if they’re sick or having nightmares, we go to their rooms. We’re making a conscious effort to teach that parents who love each other and want to spend time with each other is healthy.
If you’re finding similar rules difficult to enforce, put a lock on your door. This might give you the sense of privacy you need until your children learn why you are spending alone time with your partner. Don’t shy away from explaining that the bedroom should be a place where couples can talk, play, and spend quality time together. They don’t need the details, but when they get older and have their own romantic relationships, they’ll figure it out. Make a point of taking whatever steps are necessary so that your partner knows they are the center of your world. You should have the freedom to do what loving, caring adults do when they are behind closed doors.
Intimacy, physical and emotional, will help keep you strong as a couple. We all want to know we are important—and sexy—enough that everything else can and will stop in the bedroom. We need to communicate with our words—and our actions—that we are ready and willing to fulfill each other’s physical and emotional needs.
Don’t forget the person you picked to be your partner. Let’s bring the mojo back into our bedrooms and teach our children that great relationships require personal care and attention.